Addiction difficult to abandon
It has been like almost three years already since my “addiction” had infected me. I may not be the only person who had or is experiencing this kind of situation. I call this my “addiction” because even if I attempt to withdraw from it, it’ll still come back to me as if it’s part of me.
The “addiction” I am pertaining to is not drugs, alcohol, pc games, nor smoking. It’s a thing called admiration to somebody else, or let’s say obsession (as one of my friends say). It started with just a simple hearsay, a comment or tittle-tattle from someone I used to call a chatmate, a friend, a phonepal and a textmate. People around me started saying things about this “person” (which I now sort of admire much). It’s like a pathogen that infected my ear and went straight into my brain that made me now a bit insane kinda way. “I had to come across, check and know if what they are saying about this ‘person’ is really true,” I said to myself. All along, it was just bait -- bait that made me fall into the trap and had trapped me for almost three years now. And probably I didn’t notice this, but it is causing pain to a lot of people surrounding me, especially Mark. It has always been Mark where I pour all my emotions to – anger, happiness, cornyness, sillyness, pa-cuteness, bossiness, OAness, naughtiness, malditaness, lakwacheraness, spoiled bratness, in short, the real me without any exemptions. (I don’t know how he handles my attitude because if you ask me, it’s really hard to understand my attitude that even my parent can’t understand me sometimes.)
It is also causing me to waste my time just because of watching this “person’s” pictures, blogs, or anything. I haven’t told this to my parents yet (but I’m planning to).
It’s probably time to spill some of this information now. It might help and force me to really quit from this addiction. If alcoholic people get a hard time withdrawing themselves from drinking, then that does not excuse me. It’s hard also, you know. Probably it’s easy to will and think I’ll stop but to put it into action? I can’t answer that. I tried several times but it didn’t last for a month. There’ll be that certain time where I roll my eyes to see this “person”. Gosh it’s so hard! In addition to that, wherever I go, there’s that someone or a thing which will remind me of the “person”. It’s like everything that surrounds me connects to that “person”. (Shit kaayo!) I don’t know what to do anymore! Finals week is fast approaching!
Perhaps, the more I lure to that “person”, the more I destroy myself. Please if somebody can give me an advice, help me! As the saying goes – curiosity killed the cat – and I don’t want to be the cat!
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